Nice and Simple Complicated Passion

I am often too nice.  It’s a decidedly odd trait to me.  I like balance in an argument, and I tend to avoid confrontation. Now it sits with me tonight and I feel uncomfortable with it. It’s not the familiar secure feeling I have of a favorite old sweatshirt or t-shirt. No, it’s a sweaty feeling–but not a good one like I’ve had after a good workout.  More like a drip that continuously slides down the rivet between my nose and upper lip…and makes my hand itch to wipe it away.

Being nice doesn’t get you where want to be. That’s a loaded statement. Interpret it how you’d like. In fact, being nice has more often than not landed me in situations that I would have done well to steer away from.

I went to Crossfit this morning, and we worked on hang cleans. The movement in theory seems relatively simple and straightforward. It’s not complicated. Then you add this human into the movement, and it becomes complicated.  I had three different coaches tell me what I was doing wrong and how I could improve it. One explained that my grip wasn’t wide enough, and I didn’t have my shoulders lined up over my feet. Another I watched perform hang cleans one after the other and while she did, I tried to fix and compare in my head what I do versus what she does. Finally, I was frustrated enough that I asked a third coach what I was doing and if could he help me fix it. He drew lines on the floor for my feet and explained where they should be for the shrug (which is most of my problem since I bend my elbows forcing the bar away from my body when it should go in a straight line), and where they should be when I catch the bar.  I practiced the movement a few times without a bar. It was not easy for me to catch on.  I’ve been doing them wrong for a while, and it’s difficult to unlearn a bad habit. I tried them with the bar a few times, but I couldn’t get it.  I kept going back to my old ways.

I’m not sure what the lesson here is. Perhaps, it is a reminder to me to not be so hard on myself when something doesn’t come as easily as I think it should.  Also, a simple movement like this has many more layers to it than what it simply looks like to an observer. To many, I must often seem like a one-dimensional “she is so nice” kind of woman. It seems that simple, right? The outside can fool someone into thinking that way–and then the heat and frustration of my complicated layers come seething up from the inside to the surface.

I do know this. The three coaches who worked with me today are good at what they do. I know I am not easy to coach. I am determined to be better–I have been since the first day I walked into those gym doors.  In many ways, I simply had to learn to have more confidence in myself, and Crossfit Bel Air’s community has allowed me to do that. I will work on what I can a little at a time.  I will still get frustrated, but I know it doesn’t come easy to any one of us. Not even to the best or most confident athlete.

And as for nice? Might be that you see less of it. Nice has no sense of passion–and passion I have.

 

#snOMG: Writers on the Storm

Hunkered down for the Blizzard of 2016 in my first house.  Oh goodness.  Little pup is snuggled up next to me.  She has no idea what’s coming.  Not sure I do either!

I realize it’s been a long while since I put anything out there.  I went into a hibernation of sorts from writing.  It’s often paralyzing staring at a blank screen or page.  I mention this to my students on occasion.  The process of writing is difficult.  There is constant practice and never a promise that one will ever write anything worth reading or publishing.

It reminds me of Crossfit.  I train on the days on the days I can.  Some days are better than others. And therein lies the rub–I need to carve out the time to do it consistently.  Schedule it like an appointment. I can hear my coach in my head–consistency is key. Otherwise, I cannot expect to progress or get better.

Writing is the same way and I haven’t been consistent. Life gets in the way, yes.  But it never deters us from doing what we love.  At least, it shouldn’t.  If I want it, then I  work for it.

Bear with me. I am still learning and finding my way.  I have miles to go before I sleep. It will always be that way. In the meantime, thanks for coming with me on the stops along the way. Stay warm!